Mother's Day Talk

This is Mother’s Day, the day we honor our Mothers and the Mothers of our Children.

Brother Lower must be having a “pay back” day for something I must have done because I know he knows that there is no way I will get thru this talk without tears.

The Mothers role in life is one of the most important. President Harold B. Lee said, “The most important part of the Lord’s work that you will do, is the work that you do within the walls of your own home”. You mothers struggle each day to balance your lives between children and everything else, and it is not an easy task. I know because I have had to pinch-hit for my wife on more than one occasion. One time was when my oldest daughter was twelve; it was a Saturday evening and time for baths and hair. Now, I had watched Jannie put curlers in the girl’s hair for years, so I figured I could do it. Heidi still has nightmares of the results. If you were to ask her today about it, she will have flashbacks, “And he made me go to Church”. I am reminded of what I was once told; The Lord never promised life would be easy, only that it would be worth it. Elder Ballard gave a beautiful talk at the last General conference titled “Daughters of God. Among the wonderful points he made, he said, “There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family”.

One of the best examples to me of the results of motherhood is the story of Helaman’s Stripling Warriors. Now, my wife is nervous about now because I have a joke I tell about them, and she asked me not to use it, so I will refrain today. Helaman was asked to lead this band of 2000 young warriors…The Army of Helaman. These young men had great testimonies of the Lord and knew their cause was just. When Helamen asked these young men about their faith, they responded that their mothers had taught them.
In Alma 56:47 we read, “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.”
And in 57:21, “Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them.”

When Brother Lower asked me to speak today he told me that he knew I had a wonderful relationship with my own mother and thought I could share a few stories about her. Right off, I can say without a doubt that she was probably the gentlest person I’ve known.

I am the oldest of my Mothers three children, and the only one still living. My brother, Henry died when he was 8 years old; and my sister, Evelyn when she was 32. In 2000 when I was diagnosed with cancer in my right eye, she bemoaned her fate saying that she wasn’t supposed to outlive her children. Obviously, I survived my bout with cancer. When she was 80, in 1998, she moved into our home where we could help care for her. What a blessing it was to have her with us, and what a close relationship my younger children were able to develop with their Grandmother. She was with us until December 2000, when she passed away in her room. I have many, many stories I could tell about her, but I have picked just three, to show the influence she had, not only in my life, but in the lives of my children.

Who would ever think that their Mother was a pool shark? We were vacationing at the beach in Capitola when I was about fourteen. There was a penny arcade in Capitola where we kids spent some time. This was before video games, but we could play pool. It cost a dime a game. I would play a few games everyday and I thought I was pretty good. One afternoon I was at the arcade when my mother came in looking for me. She watched me play pool and listened to me tell her how great I was at the game. So she challenged me to a game. This would be great, I thought, and immediately accepted her challenge. After all, what fourteen year old boy doesn’t look for the chance to crush and adult in anything? I even let her break. She then almost cleared the table. I think I got one turn before she finished me off. Stunned, I asked her where she learned to play pool. When my Dad with was in the Army, she used to play pool a lot at the Officers club with the other wives. I was schooled. I don’t think I was so braggadocios after that. With a game of pool, she had taught me humility.

My oldest daughter, Heidi, told me the other day of her story with her Grandmother. When we lived in Alaska, Heidi was 13. Gramma had come to spend a few weeks with us, as she did often when we were up there. Gramma loved movies and she and Heidi were going to go one afternoon. There was a movie playing that Heidi wanted to see, but Gramma said that she was afraid that Heidi wouldn’t understand the movie. So they saw something else. Heidi told me that now she is 38 and has never seen that movie. She said that it comes on television quite often and she is always going to watch it. But, when she sits down to watch, she remembers her grandmother telling her that she wouldn’t understand it. So she turns the TV off.

My mother was very conservative and a proud Republican. I tell you this to set up the following story. She also enjoyed playing the devil’s advocate. A few months before she died, and during the 2000 election season between then Governor Bush and Vice President Gore, she and my son, Brett, were having some discussion at the dinner table, in which Brett seemed to be gaining the point. She looked right at him and said “Why, you’re no better than Al Gore! Brett was stunned and we all laughed. Brett told me a story recently when I was sitting with him at his new office. He had told this story to me before, but felt to share it again that evening. Gramma visited Brett shortly after she died. He will not say he had a vision, but he had a dream in which his Grandmother came to him and told him that she loved him. She was smiling. She was afraid that he might have thought that she was mad at him. After they talked for a minute or two, Brett asked her if she had seen Evelyn and Henry. He said that she looked forlorn and then said that she had and that they were well. Brett learned that she regretted that she had spent most of her adult life mourning their deaths; that she had missed out on so much happiness in this life because she was always so sad. And all along, they were well.

To me, one of the greatest examples of Motherhood comes from my wife, Jannie. We had 8 children, and it was not easy. I was in the Army, and was enlisted, and though I was fortunate in that I didn’t have many long deployments, I did have a couple, and a few TDYs along the way. Elder Ballard said, “We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult”. Jannie made her full time job being a full time Mom. This was her commitment to her family. As the Priesthood holder, husband and father, I presided in the home. But, as wife and mother, she conducted. She was the organizer and kept our home and our children immaculate. She took time to teach her children. We always had music in our home, although the only musical instrument either one of us played was the Stereo. She used music to teach. She had all of the Janine Brady cassettes and my kids knew all the words of all the songs. “I’m a Mormon, yes I am”, Be a Friend, The Words You Speak, and Maybe You Laughed. We sang songs about telling the truth and not being afraid. Today, some of my children are teaching their children these same lessons and using the same songs. And for the most part, my daughters and daughters – in – law, learning from Jannie, have chosen to be stay at home moms, or to work from the home. When I was deployed to Korea for a year, she took the time to record Family Home Evenings, and then send me the cassettes. I would get cassette tapes of weekly Family Home Evenings, and listen to my children talk to me. I think the first words I heard Hilary utter was on one of those cassettes. Without a lot of money to work with, Jannie made sure our children were always neatly dressed and pressed and well fed. And she could stretch a dollar better than anyone I ever knew.

Elder Ballard said, “I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life,” What a joy it is for me to see the growth in my Grandchildren every day. I am in awe with the time my daughters and daughters-in-law take to teach their children. Jared is 15 months old and Valerie has taught him how to sign. When we were tending him the other night, we were impressed that he could communicate in sign language when he wanted a drink, or that he has had enough. At the football game last evening, Jared spent most of the evening with Mimi and Grandpa. When we gave him back to Val, he signed “thank you”. I wish we had known that we could have taught our own kids to sign when they were babies. Maddie seems to me to be far beyond her years (maybe I am just a proud Grandpa), and this comes from the things Kimber takes time to teach her. I can’t help but chuckle when I think of the stories all my children to tell me about the things their kids have done. And these stories are not just limited to my children and Grandchildren. Kids today are growing up far ahead of where children were just a generation ago. And this because you Mothers are recognizing the seasons of life that your children are in.

When Gramma lived with us, Scott was her driver. She wasn’t supposed to drive anymore, so if she needed to go somewhere she had Scott take her. Boy, where the older kids jealous. Scott was sixteen and driving her Lincoln! The night before she died, it snowed here in Killeen. Scott helped her outside so she could see the big snow flakes. The next morning, after we found that she had passed away, we notified the authorities. During the time before the ambulance took her, Scott sat by her bed and held her hand. What a great influence she had on our children. Now, each year, on the anniversary of her death, the family gathers at her grave and remembers Gramma.

Elder Ballard asked this question: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?

Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).
Mothers make things. School projects, lunches, snacks, desserts, arrangements, and even clothes. One thing I challenge you mothers (and fathers) to do is make memories for your children. On Sunday evenings after dinner, the smaller children like to go in the front yard and play. So Mimi and Grandpa will sit out on the front porch so the little ones can romp and play in the front yard. You see, we want the memories our grandchildren have to be the happy times they had at Mimi’s house. The older ones like to swim and on days they are over to use the pool, we get in with them. Ask any of my grandchildren what all the steps are in doing an Olympic class cannonball, and their faces will brighten up as they remember and tell you all the steps, of which there are not a few. There are times my own children, now all adults will sit at the dinner table, or wherever we may be and someone will say “do you remember when, or do you remember this or that?” In many cases, I don’t. But the important thing is that they do. Make memories with your children.

If my mother were alive to give you some advice, I can’t help but think it would be this: Mothers, love your children. Teach your children. Help build their faith. Be a part of their lives. Don’t spend half your life bemoaning things you’ve missed. Mourn the tragedies, then let yourself heal and then live your life and don’t miss out on the fun times with your family. Then, when your children are grown and face obstacles in their lives, like those young men in The Army of Helaman, they will remember that they, too, were taught by their mothers.

May this be a joyous day for all the Mothers here today, and everywhere. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen