SQUIRRELS

Click on the Squirrel!

This morning I got a text message from Heather: “So I have BBQ’d squirrel in my backyard & no power.” It reminded me of the dead squirrel the power crew found in my yard while restoring my power when a squirrel got fried in the transformer.

This got me to thinking about squirrels and wondering how such a cute little animal could be such a pain in the rear. First and foremost, we have to forget the Walt Disney images of this little critter. He is a rodent! A rat is a rodent! So these little Chip and Dales are just rats with furry tails.

But they are so cute, and they don’t eat much – JUST ALL THE PECANS OFF MY TREES! I haven’t had a decent harvest of pecans in years. I remember as a boy my Uncle Lee had walnut trees in his backyard and had the same problem – darn squirrels ate all the walnuts. So he got a little terrier dog, Daisy June, and gave her the run of the backyard. She would bark at anything that had 4 legs and moved, especially in trees. The result was his neighbors complaining they had no walnuts and that Uncle Lee always had a bumper crop. So I figured that if Daisy June could scare the squirrels away, then my dogs could too. There must be something scarier about a Terrier because the wiener dog and the Schnauzers did nothing to get rid of the little nut thieves. So here was my dilemma, how do I get rid of the squirrels?

One afternoon I was sitting on the swing in the backyard with a couple of my grandchildren watching birds eat from the bird feeder. Squirrels are infamous for stealing the feed from the bird feeders. So I figured I would place my bird feeders where the squirrels couldn't get to them. Worked like a charm. Whenever the little birdies came to eat from the feeders, they always had plenty of food because the little thieving critters couldn't get to the seed. But that didn’t mean that I had outsmarted them, not one bit. When I went to get bird feed from the BBQ cart where I stored the feed, it was gone. They had figured how to get in and take the seed from the source. I know one little squirrel was sitting on a branch of the pecan tree, eating a pecan and laughing at me.

One summer we had a squirrel that had no tail. This seemed to fascinate the kids. We don’t know why the varmint had no tail, but I could imagine it losing it in a fight with a cat, or a trap, or some other means of torture. One thing, it made it easy to watch the squirrel that summer because we always could tell “our squirrel”.

Now, the little darlings stealing my pecans was bad enough, but then we began to hear what we thought were mice in the attic. You see, here in Central Texas, we have a complete array of critters that can take up residence above your residence. I once heard someone complain that they could hear animals in their attic. I just said, “Welcome to Texas. Well, one afternoon while in the backyard I saw a squirrel jump from the tree to the roof, then in thru the vent below the eaves of the house. Great! I checked the vent and where there was once screen, there was nothing but air.

One day I asked Val’s dad, an exterminator, the best way to get rid of squirrels. He told me tomatoes and poison. Squirrels love tomatoes and if I mix a little poison that I could get from the local feed store, I could wipe out an entire colony in a few days. He gave me some instructions on how to do this without killing off other animals. You know, I thought, this might just work. But I never got passed the thinking part.

One day I got some wire mesh and when I figured the little demons had left for the day, I had Scott go up into the attic and seal off the vents. It worked! Didn’t hear a single squirrel – for at least 2 days. Then they were BACK! We could sit in the living room and listen to them doing what ever it was they do. Just have to do something before they destroy my wiring (they love to eat the insulation on wires).

Now this is where I can say, “Meanwhile, back at the ranch”. Holly was complaining that she had squirrels up in her attic, too. So we called the exterminator to come and clear them out. They used traps, etc and a couple of visits to get them. But not without bodily injury, and not to the rat, but to me! The exterminator had gotten rid of all but one – RAMBO! I went out into the garage to get something and “there I was”, face-to-face with Rambo. He jumped and I jumped. He wanted to get back to the attic, only I was between him and the opening. So he jumped up onto the window sill and made a leap to freedom….onto a PVC pole sticking up into the attic opening. Why it was there, I have no idea. Rambo leaped and grabbed the pole and his little legs and feet were going like mad climbing that pole. Only problem – it was PVC. There was nothing for his little feet to grab. The faster he climbed, the faster he slid down the pole. Now I figured the best way out of this mess was to open the garage door, so I made a dash to the door before Rambo made it to the floor. The door went up and he saw FREEDOM – and away he went. Last time I saw him he was skirting out the garage door.

Now this all occurred in just less than a minute. Then the exterminator guy comes out into the garage and sees a large shelf unit that reached right up to the opening into the attic. He asked me to help him move it over so Rambo couldn't get back in. BIG MISTAKE! This is where the “bodily injury” part comes into play. I pushed and my knee tore. Surgery and 6 months of recovery - which is another chapter in some future post.

“Meanwhile, back at the other ranch”, we still had squirrels. I asked Scott to look around the eaves of the house to see if he could see where they were getting in. He first checked his handiwork with the mesh wire, and it was all good. Then every nook and cranny, and then he found it. Right above my bedroom window the squirrels had chewed an opening – we had found the back door. So Scott rolled the mesh wire and shoved it into the opening. The next morning I am awakened by the pattering of little feet above my head. Papa Squirrel was heading out to work, He stopped, and then I hear him run back. Then the whole herd passes over, I can hear them hitting at the mesh for several minutes. It was actually fascinating to hear…too bad I didn’t have a video camera up there. Then success and away they all scurried. I could hear them jump on to the eaves, then quiet. I went out and secured the opening. The saga of the squirrels was over. Almost.

I still wanted to get rid of the little buggers. In the mean time, Heather and Shawn moved in their new house, right behind us. Shawn, along with Brett, Paul and Shawn, had taken up deer hunting. Shawn also took up bow hunting and practicing for the Thanksgiving Smack Down, he took to target practice. Hitting the bull’s-eye on a target affixed to a hay bale was easy. He needed moving targets. Squirrels. He began stalking the little critters and got pretty darn good. And except for a missed aim that took down a swimming pool filter, he got pretty good. And our squirrel population seems to have either expired or moved on. Now I have to figure out where to get all these pecans shelled!